Sometimes Good Isn`t Good Enough

October 24 2020 was my Black Saturday; The day, the week, the dream paradise in my mind, came crashing down like a Lego set of a 6-year-old, as I opened my inbox to find a pdf attached with 48 names on it, but mine. I didn’t even meet the Team India Debate Squad but it was time to say good-bye. This was like one swift blow to my head in slow motion, followed by the fast punches in quick successions, all over my body pushing me over a cliff, into an ocean of madness. Things seemed to be getting worse and I was falling behind slowly but steadily.

In this article I wish to address an important aspect of competitions, which is often overlooked when people talk about the success stories and the feeling of pride and satisfaction; and that, is mental health. 

NOTE: THIS IS AN ARTICLE ABOUT COMMON ISSUES PEOPLE FACE IN COMPETITION AND WHILST I HAVE MADE EVERY ATTEMPT TO MODERATE THE USE OF LANGUAGE, BEFORE YOU READ IT CONSIDER WHETHER YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT FRAME OF MIND TO BE ENGAGING WITH SUCH CONTENT AT THIS POINT. AND I AM NO EXPERT IN THIS FIELD!

So what are the problems we`d normally face in a competitive sphere?

1.     Winners The Supreme

Any super competitive tournament would attract folks who are hungry to win and are well experienced. This leads to a subconscious belief that people who win do so, primarily because they are intellectually better than you or possess greater skill and talent that you- whilst this might be true, it doesn’t help when it reinforces this idea that those who are the “losers” are labeled that way, because they aren’t capable of that much, fueled by annoying comments from bystanders regarding a person`s performance in a competition like “What case they ran was so hilarious!”

2.     Novice Intimidation

Quite often there are times when you are pushed into, or you voluntarily get into a competition with big names in that circuit probably competing against you- be it your first university debate or your first match in the big leagues, it could be tremendously nerve wracking when you realize that coming into a tournament these guys are the favorites anyway- with a large social circles there, great coaches, and a kind of life you dream to have. This can lead to insecurities about one’s ability to catch up to one’s contemporaries and self-doubt about his/her involvement in the circuit- “Will I ever be as good as my coaches were?” “Didn`t I work hard enough for this one?”- we have all been there.

3.     Not being taken seriously

Naturally, after a loss, we feel ashamed, and tend to wonder what others would be talking about you in the class the next day. And this leads to us trying to vent out to people who we think care about us and pushes us to justify our mistakes. And the way people react to it? - a) They call you a sore loser- mock the way you cried after losing a match, and call you out for tying to defend yourselves or b) “I will make you a hot masala dosa then you will feel better”- not recognizing that your problem is actually something bigger and serious.

4.     Having to Live with it

Sometimes a loss befalls us in a dimension near and dear to us, or an area where we simply can’t afford that thought of a loss there. Those wounds, they say, never heal and leaves us scared. Like, every time you open Instagram and find your friends` story with a trophy or in a place you know you deserved to be in but you can’t say or do anything, and every time your parents constantly remind you of what happens when you take even the smallest things lightly using your loss as an example- it stings.

So what do we do about it?

1.     Love Yourself

We are our harshest critics. It is very easy to brutally knock yourself up for mistakes you have committed, because they are everywhere and hence easy to find; but that is just human. Try and take some effort and look out for those silver linings and give yourself a pat at your back. Just like how you wouldn`t point out mistakes of your friend but rather talk to them about those same silver linings. If you can feel good about yourself and confident to move on, what others say or would say wouldn`t bother you that much. Remember, a loss doesn`t make you bad overnight- but the acceptance of that loss defines your character!

2.   Tell People How much you love them

We understand our friends and family more than anyone else. So accordingly give that person his/her time alone or go ahead and text them with smiley and heart emojis, telling them how much of positive impact they have had on you or how important you consider them to a particular team, just reminding them of the small but precious moments, like how cute it was when you dozed off on your friends’ shoulders in a tournament. And it doesn’t necessarily need to be all true, and you have got nothing to lose, but the other person does and if there is a tiny chance that it would make them feel better, I would say take it!

3.     Direct People to Appropriate Resources

I strongly recommended schools, any tournament management and so on to include some resources about mental health issues in relevant forums. This could be links to key articles, contacts for organizations/counsellors on your campus or in your jurisdiction, etc, because it really easy to talk or write about these things, without not having to realize that specific circumstances require professional help. This is an important signaling mechanism to people that “our society cares about this issue I am facing, and is ready to do anything to support me.”

Our first step towards addressing these issues to acknowledge that mental health is an issue and sensitize people to deal with this, because What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candor, and more unashamed conversation!